I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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