I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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