were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The beer is more important than you right now.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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