made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
