I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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