Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
