just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
