saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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