he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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