Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Even my vagina gasped.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
