if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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