That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
