At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
