The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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