we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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