A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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