there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She's the barista slut.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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