Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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