I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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