once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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