someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
did i just pee glitter
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
