She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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