Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
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