Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
