But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
50% drunk capacity currently
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
