I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
