allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
