Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
