You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
