Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
