even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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