Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
