the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
