the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
