Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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