why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
