i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
