She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Randomize
