After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
