I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It was confusing and full of hummus
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
