But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
