he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
