Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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