he told me I talked like a deaf person
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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