First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
