he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We had to coat check the pizza.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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