im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
As shirtless as possible
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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