He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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