I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
