Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
