I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
