Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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